Poetry - May 2004


One goal is all we need
One win is all we seek
To put the pressure on
All the teams below
As we try and strive
To make sure we survive
We start so nervous and tense
With every clearance cheered
And the fans behind them
As they are more determined
And then we get the breakthrough
A neat header from Paulo
Wanchope gets one header goalbound
And pandemonium ensues
And now all we have to do
Is make sure we hold out
A one-nil win is ours
And so vital at this time.

(And so it proved, too. City's win against Newcastle proved enough to stay up)

What, No Decaf?

You go to all these coffee bars
That spring up from every street corner
Inhabited by so-called trendy types
That seem to think it cool to hang out there
But no matter how hard you try in some places
You cannot get any coffee without the caffeine
It's like the likes of Starbuck's give you the look
"What? You want decaf?
But you're having coffee?
And what use is it without the caffeine kick?"
You end up so disappointed
As you leave to seek elsewhere
And when you find the coffee bar that does decaf
I'm sure you'll give them your business

(It's so true. I prefer decaf coffee, but can you find it in these places? No. It's not usually well advertised either even if they do, actually. But I do know the coffee bar section of Fopp Records in Manchester does do decaf (and all coffees are a pound each there) so I'd head there if I were you.)

I'm On The Bus

There's four little words that you hate so much
When you're travelling into town on the bus
You know it'll happen as soon as you hear
The wretched default Nokia ring tone
Or, if you're a bit more unlucky
A customised rubbish polyphonic tone
That bears no resemblance to the original song
And then the person answers the phone
You know as well as I do what they're going to say
Four little words that annoy the hell out of you
"Hiya", they'll say in their Mancunian accent
"I'm on the bus!"
And you feel like telling them a home truth
"Yes, we bloody well know where you are
And we don't care to listen to your conversation
You annoying loudmouth so and so"
The journey goes on and another phone rings
And again the same conversation will ensue
"I'm on the bus" they proclaim so dumbly
And you're so glad you've switched yours off.

(Isn't this so true? Yes, I know people ask "where are you?" but even so, it's just so annoying, advertising the fact that you can't live without your mobile phone. Do what I do. Don't own one. It's a much easier solution.)

Another Bank Holiday

It's another Bank Holiday
And you know full well
That there'll be a film on television
Well, no, actually, one type of film
Because every time there seems to be
A Bank Holiday day off
It's always a James Bond movie on screen
Talk about lack of originality!

(You know it's true....)

Rowing Machine

Row row the machine
Move up and down very fast
Try to lose some weight.

(Say no more!)