Poetry - March 2011

Save Our Baths

The council cuts have been announced
The local baths are earmarked to close
Surely this not good enough
Say the locals who always go
We don't want our place to shut down
We use it for leisure and swim here
Why does it have to be our place
As it's claimed to run it is so dear
But the local people aren't standing for it
They're protesting in an organised way
They object massively to the council
And attend meetings to have their say
It's soon realised that it's the number one
Complaint from the people of the city
And with overwhelming opposition to closure
Including that from one Max Beesley
The council does a surprise u-turn
And gives the locals all a reprieve
It just goes to show what community spirit does
If everyone does truly believe.

(The local swimming baths close to me could have closed down under the council's proposals but the local people fought like mad - and won. Goes to show what can happen.)

Baby You Can't Drive Your Car

You pass the driving test
And want to get out and drive
Finding a car that suits the budget
And one that'll let you thrive
But now there's a bigger problem
Being able to insure the car
And the changes that are afoot
Mean that you might not get far
Before you paid less as a young woman
Because you were statistically less likely
To crash and cause a road accident
Which made you pay less, you see
But now an equality ruling has hit
Meaning your costs will now start to soar
So baby, you can't drive you car
Because the insurance costs so much more.

(A recent ruling by the European Court of Justice means men and women have to pay the same for the likes of car insurance now. I'm not so sure that's fair to be honest.)

How To Ruin A Television Programme

I used to quite like Masterchef
With John Torode and Gregg Wallace
They would allow people to have a go
And then fall into the food abyss
As their culinary creations became
A small disaster on our TV screen
With the journey from qualifying to winning
It became something to be seen
But alas the format's been tinkered with
All in favour of refreshing it anew
With X Factor style auditioning processes
That really just won't do
With the kitchen looking like the one
From the Australian version of the show
It's clear that they've tried to revamp it up
But sometimes these things just don't go
I quite liked the kitchen from the other series
It had a purpose and intimacy
It made you feel like your own kitchen
And you could cook with just three
But now it's all about maximum exposure
With emphasis on quantity instead
Is this the way that all shows are going
It just fills me with so much dread
So another television show is ruined
One that I quite liked to watch
In favour of mass appeal to mass audience
To try and up the viewing figures a notch
But those like me who remember the show
From when it first went large on BBC2
Will mourn the passing of something once held dear
And that, dear BBC, just won't do.

(New style Masterchef - meh. All wrong. Bring it back to as it was, please.)

So What Do I Do Now?

I've been unable to complete something at work
As I'm waiting for someone to get back to me
So what do I do now?
I am waiting at the bus stop for my bus
And there doesn't seem to be one coming
So what do I do now?
I have eaten my tea and had a coffee
And there's absolutely nothing on telly
So what do I do now?
I feel a lack of inspiration
As I try to write down my thoughts
So what do I do now?

(So, what would you do?)

Ides of March Haiku

You heard people say
Beware the ides of March, and
Wondered why they did.

(Answers on a postcard, please!)