Poetry - June 2014

Everything's A Pound

You go to Poundland
You know what the score is
Everything's a pound
As you hunt for your bargains
From cheap batteries to books
Gardening tools to food
You know the price to pay
And it's usually pretty good
Yet there's some people
Who can't seem to understand
That everything is a pound
Here in your local Poundland
They seek a shop assistant
Who, attempting to be nice
Tries to keep a straight face
When asked "what is the price?"
It makes you smile inside
As you walk around
Filling up your basket with CDs
And where everything's a pound.

(Granted, it's rare that some pound shops these days have everything at the same price of a pound, but you'd think somewhere like Poundland you'd have people not actually ask the price of stuff? The mind boggles.)

All In The Name of Cake

I've got a cake for my birthday
Everyone singing happy birthday to me
But it's not enough for my massive ego
And I want everyone to see
So I'll claim to be insulted by the club
And get my agent fully involved
So that I can angle for more money
And not bother if it's resolved
Claiming everything will happen after Brazil
Where my future will be decided
And where the fans have turned against me
Because I'm so spoilt and derided
It's all in the name of cake
As the football fans look on in disgust
With their normally paid jobs
And in these overpaid egos they trust
To deliver them wins and titles
But they'd rather have players who
Know the meaning of loyalty and passion
The ones who they'd never want to boo
So if your player throws a strop
Just remember the tightrope is right
From being a hero to the supporters
To being a zero and leaving tonight.

(You can probably guess who this is about, but it disappoints me massively that the antics of certain players seem disproportinate to what everyone else has to go through in life. I didn't get a cake on my birthday from my work colleagues and employers. Am I threatening to leave? Of course not.)

Protest Vote

In the local and European elections
Everyone wants to protest
It's not working for their country anymore
So they look who's not on the left
It's a shift and a movement to the right
As immigration is becoming a hot topic
But rather than think about it practically
They'll look at who they pick
Who is saying the most friendly thing to them
Saying they'll stop "them" coming to us
And so doing it under the guise of politics
Making it much less of a controversy and fuss
Across France it's much the same
As the National Front gains some power
It seems everyone is all for themselves now
And the European dream may even be over
While a protest vote is one thing democratically
Racism is another thing on the up
And that concerns me massively
We should get along, not muck it all up.

(Ich Bin Ein Auslander by Pop Will Eat Itself sounds even more relevant twenty years on than it did since release, listen to the words in particular and you'll see what I mean. Quite scary, that.)


I just feel so tired
More mentally than physically
The week has taken its toll
As I attempt to go to bed
I just want to rest the head
And go straight to sleep
I can't think about everything
I just want to go to bed
I have been winding down
As much as I dare to dream
But I know one thing for sure
I can't wait to get to bed
The eyes are closing
As the television becomes background
It's time to head up the stairs
And go straight to bed.

(Often if I get massively tired the need to sleep is huge, and it's not always that straightforward to do)

World Cup 1998 Haiku

Out on penalties
Will we ever win the thing?
As four more years pass.

(Too many times in the past England have lost on penalties during the latter stages of the World Cup such as 1998. Maybe one year we can change that - won't be this year though I reckon..)