Poetry - June 2009

Sob On The Tyne

This season everything's been going wrong
Down St James' Park at the Toon
Everything is falling around the club at the seams
And the team on the pitch is out of tune
The club try everything and one last ditch attempt
Seems to bring relegation even nearer
As they pick a local hero to try and save their skin
But no football manager is to be honest Alan Shearer
The team try but then are foiled by their own doing
Joey Barton is perhaps the most guilty of all
Oh how I smile as I knew we got rid of him so well
And that it's someone else who'll now take his fall
On the final fateful day they need to win
At the home of the well respected Aston Villa
An own goal seems to condemn Newcastle's fate
And they certainly don't attempt to make it a thriller
The final curtain falls and there's nothing they can do
As everyone else loses, so they face the drop
But maybe there's a silver lining in this black and white cloud
As the club will now have to rebuild from the top
One thing's for sure, no one's too good to go down
As this whole sorry episode has proven true
So when you hear that phrase next season
Just remember: it could happen to you.

(Most of the season Newcastle United had the tag of "too good to go down" but it was one catastrophe after another and it was too late for Alan Shearer - the rot had already set in. If it's any consolation to them, I've seen it at Manchester City as well and we've bounced back.)


Temperature is touching the eighties
And everyone digs out all their summer wear
Even though it's only a couple of days of sun
It might be all that we might get all year
The bright sunshine brings everyone out
Either for a walk in the park or to the beach
But as I think about how easy it is for me to burn
I'll usually have some shade within easy reach
I try and stay out at its hottest point of all
But I'm usually not too bad on that score
Because often I'm in work during the week
And the office is reasonably chilled and doesn't soar
To a temperature you'd consider unworkable
Where you'd want to be out under a tree
Watching the world go by with a good book
And maybe a bottle of water or three
But I hope it's nice and warm when I am away
So I can really make the most of the time there
And I'll have my factor fifty ready to top up
So that I can be safe and worry not a care.

(Whenever it's warm we all seem to take advantage here, just in case it's the last ever day of summer sunshine - even though this year is planned to be scorchio!)

Get Gigs Finished Early

I've been to many a gig
And had to worry about the time it's on
Because I need to make sure I get home
And not have to pay a night taxi and be conned
It's all very well having to start enough
So people can make their way there from work
But the fact that they often finish past eleven pm
Can sometimes just drive me berserk
Some people have work to go to next day
Or even a last bus which they can't miss
Yet the promoter wants you on as late as possible
So that everyone drinks more and is in bliss
I'd really like a gig to be finished a bit earlier
So that you can travel safely to and from there
And that you can enjoy the bands that are on
Jumping around without a care.

(I think Warrington Parr Hall are subscribers to this train of thought - Seth Lakeman finished just after 9.30pm and other gig venues could do with trying to put shows on earlier to make life easier.)

One Month And No Chocolate

The temptation is getting less
With each day that passes by
Because I know that if I break now
I'll undo all my good work won't I?
I've really had to discipline myself
And not be tempted by the machine
And instead go for a healthier option
That doesn't have calories and fat that's obscene
When I see how much weight I've lost
Just by exercising more and resisting
I know I'm doing the right thing
And that my mind and body are winning
I don't know if I could give it up forever
But I'm certainly less tempted each day
Because I want to be slimmer than I am
And keep all that fat at bay.

(Still not had chocolate at all - and feel better for it!)

One Year Haiku

One year since we met
I feel so happy inside
And love her so much.

(I know. Awww. But it's true.)