Poetry - July 2007

The Days Of Computer Gaming Past

I remember the days when a game took minutes to load
When you wouldn't want to see the fatal load error appear
And when the game did eventually show itself on screen
You'd play it to death and hold that very same game dear
You would see the flashing borders as the tape loaded on
The counter would be watched as it slowly wound around
You just knew that there would be a good loading tune
So you could hear that awesome computer sound
You fought to the next level and inevitably some access of the tape
As it tried its hardest to load up the next bit of the game
The tape would get all the way to the end and stop
And you'd think that you'd wasted your time on something lame
Nonetheless when the game worked it was such immense fun
You didn't care if the graphics were blocky or chunky
You knew that the gameplay was the most important thing
And that the music accompanying the game would be pretty funky
Fast forward to now and it's all about aesthetics and appeal
To the people who get bored within five minutes of play
Yet they scoff at old games because they look so rubbish
I say to all you doubters: try an old classic today!

(Ah, the days of great computer games when it was all about how well it played and how fun it was, when it was all about the gameplay and nothing else!)

Not The Bright Side of Life

As you see the water pour
From out of the river Don
You just have to be shocked
At the pure power of the water
It bursts the banks and flows down
The A6109 from Sheffield
Heading towards Meadowhall
And flooding Brightside Lane
Leaving people to be rescued by chopper
As the water rises higher
It's not the bright side of life
As the Wicker is also underwater
And down the road in Catcliffe
It's six foot under the water
It just leaves an unpleasant smell
And a sewage so vile and disgusting
Even when the water recedes
The damage is more emotional than money
And for those who live there it feels like hell
As they want to move to somewhere higher
It makes me wonder just how bad it can get
Before these flash floods are regular
And it may have to be something
That we all have to get used to.

(Last week's flooding, particularly in Sheffield and Doncaster, was just horrid. Granted, six months' rain fell in one day, but it was a combination of the saturated ground plus the rain staying in one place that also did it. Don't try and tell me global warming didn't contribute..)

Gone For A Barton

Gone is the man who had so many last chances
Gone is someone who picks fights with team mates
And good riddance to someone who put himself first
Thinking that he was much more important than the team
Rumour has it when he was picked for England
The senior players didn't want him in because of his reputation
That he'd gained over the years for his no nonsense approach
And the fact that he was just an arrogant up his arse player
Who else would have stubbed a cigar in someone's eye?
Who else would have assaulted a supporter of another team?
Who else would have exposed his bottom at an opposition ground?
Who else would have assaulted a taxi driver and be charged?
When you weigh up all those pros and cons and they're all cons
It's easy to see that the training ground fight was the last straw
So off to Newcastle Joey goes, and I for one am glad to see the back of him
As he has now truly gone for a Barton.

(As far as I'm concerned, goodbye and good riddance to him. Manchester City need players who care about the club and not themselves, Joey should look at the likes of Richard Dunne and Nedum Onouha to understand what that means.)

Thirty Minutes Of Absolute Agony

The under twenty ones reached the semi final
And along the way they didn't play so well
But in the semi final against the mighty Netherlands
Everything began to nicely gel
And as Leroy Lita broke through the defence
To score the opening goal of the game
I really hoped that we'd qualify for the final
And put those racist Serbian fans into shame
One minute left, could we hold on for it?
The answer was soon to be unfortunately not
As they crossed the ball in and a header went goalward
And the hanging on was not to hot to trot
Extra time came and went and players went down
We had one go off with cramp and a bad groin too
But Steven Taylor played on with his bad ankle
And had the courage to defy the odds for minute thirty two
When the referee blew for the penalty shoot out
Oh no, I thought, we're not going to win here
But as the first five were taken we seemed to be matching the Dutch
Could we put them into a mode of being scared and having fear?
It got to the tenth taker and the Dutch manager protested
As Taylor was still on the pitch he had to take one
He bravely stepped up and scored in the bottom corner
He was so defiant and justified in his celebration
It went all around to the sixteenth penalty each
It was one kick too far for us, alas
As we went out 13-12 after thirty agonising minutes
As the players lay slumped down on the grass
But they should be proud that they did not fade and die
And pushing the host nation all the way you see
It also made them all heroes of our nation
Unlike the too tired chicken antics of David Bentley.

(Good on the under-21 lads. They may have lost after sixteen penalties each, but England don't normally survive a penalty shoot out beyond the first five. The way they all played and were so determined and full of pride showed the full team a thing or two.)


Stop error occurs
Blue screen of death is not good
And it makes you mad!

(You've all seen it - time to press Control, Alt and Delete again, or listen to this!)