Poetry - April 2004

Bienvenue a Paris

Je voudrais un vacation
Paris est la tour de le question
La musées, la monuments
Et la cathedrals c'est bon
Je comprends en petit Français
Et un question: "Parlez vous Anglais?"

(Well, why not? Makes a nice change to write a poem in a different language. If you would like to know what this means in English, contact me.)

Soft Drinks Equals Rip Off

Every bar that you head into
Every pub seems to think it's a concession
That they serve soft drinks and not alcohol
And feel free to overcharge as an obsession
One pound for half a pint of lemonade
That you know you can get at the supermarket
And it's a half opened bottle that's flat
And you know despite lots of ice it's not good
Yet everywhere you go most pubs do the same
And they don't realise their utter shame
Not everyone can drink when they go out
If they drive, they can't have their lager or stout
And what if you're a teetotal person
But still likes to drink down their local in the sun?
Unfortunately it'll cost you an arm and a leg
But just be thankful it's not sold from a keg!

(Almost every bar and pub I've been to serves soft drinks and completely rip off prices. Full credit to the Wetherspoons pub chain for usually being the exception to the rule.)

Divine Objects of Hatred

Why do people fight each other
Always seeking superiority
Right persons would seek peace instead.

Vicious thugs attack in a mass crowd
Inciting a mass mob to battle the police
Organised hooliganism at the game
Love their club they do not
Every weekend it's always the same for these fans
Never thinking about the true supporter
Cause all they seek is a pitched running battle
Especially if the opposition has their own hard gang.

Apathy seeks in to this country
Morally they always think they're right
Especially their leader who is so stupid and crass
Really makes you sick to the stomach
In more ways than one with their "we're always right" stance
Co-ordinating their own brand of environmental unfriendliness
And almost undoing the likes of Kyoto.

(Just a few things I dislike. See if you can recognise the three of them.)

Bank Holiday Jams

Stuck on the M6
With rain everywhere in sight
As you go up North
To see family
For once in a while you go
From your home down south
But you don't know why
It's always Easter weekend
When the roads are mad
And indeed they are
Stuck in ten miles of tailback
Get there in the end.

(A mini-haiku to explain the fun and games (ahem!) of Bank Holiday traffic.)

Chocolate Hell

It's Easter time now
Chocolate everywhere I go
But I'm dieting.

(Say no more!)