Poetry - March 2005

Go Back To The Capers and Lime

Once upon a time there was a cook on our TV screens
Who wanted the public to make much more than chips and beans
Soon everyone was trying this new method of cooking food
Where fresh ingredients were the secret of eating good
As the shows developed with her age over the years
Her obsession with capers and especially lime drove me to tears
The claim you could get capers anywhere would make me smile
That is, if you have a posh market nearby rather than walk a mile
Her other obsession being Norwich City was plain for all to see
How they once got into Europe and beat Bayern Munich on TV
But at the end of February she went just a bit too over the top
With her misguided rallying call to get the fans chanting not to stop
So when I think of that moment in football that's so sublime
I really wish Delia Smith would just go back to the capers and lime.

(Where are you? Where are you? She asked. They were on their way home after Man City scored the winner, methinks.)

Supermarketing Overdrive

Promotions stare at you from every corner
Discounting the goods you might not usually buy
Get this one and get another free you may think
But only on the stuff that you don't really normally like
Christmas has been and gone, and up is all the stuff
For Valentine's Day, like you really needed reminding
And then that's gone, so Mother's Day takes its place
After that, it's the offers on the chocolate Easter Eggs
A bit of a lull follows but then it's Father's Day
Before the mid-summer sales of all the old stock
And then into two hundred percent overdrive
To make sure you've had enough stuff for Christmas
As I pass the shelves locating the stuff I want
I often wonder who thinks that this mass in your face marketing
Does anything other than to annoy people
Almost as much as the Asda slap the backside routine.

(Sharon Osbourne shops at Asda? Oh come on!! But every year it gets worse for promotions left right and centre and not necessarily concentrating on keeping prices down. Always seems to go up after New Year..)

Comeback Kings

People dared to think that our time had passed
We never really went away and did our own things
Eventually it was time for our return
Incredible and back for five live shows
All the energy we could muster put into them
Really giving the fans payback for their loyalty
Especially all the old classics we never played for years
Beaver Patrol especially got the crowd rocking big time
And our DVD was on sale the night after we recorded it
Critics may doubt us, but the fans showed we are the
Kings of the comeback, and we're here to stay.

(Put simply: PWEI are back. And how. If anything beats the atmosphere at Birmingham on 22nd January 2005, it'll be the gig of the year. Simple as that)

Stuck In The Middle Of A Long Queue With No Guarantee Of Certainty

You get to the stadium at 5am in the morning
Hoping that the queue won't be long and winding
But all you can see is a decent sized queue
Of large hardy blokes who you daren't approach
And they're all hogging the front positions
Credit card at the ready
You know your ticket is going to be so expensive
But this is the band you've wanted to see for years
The ticket office opens promptly at 9am
Internet sites hit meltdown as so many want so few
But for you, you're just stuck here hoping and waiting
That you might just get lucky and not face eBay
But you can see everyone in front buying in fours
And you know they'll be here in months to come
Selling their wares outside the stadium for fortunes
While you, the real fan, suffer.

(U2 (or any other major concert) ticketing. What a scandal. Especially so many touts queueing outside and getting lots of tickets to sell, so the real fans didn't get any.)

Their Law

Fuck them and their law
Their law, crackdown at sundown
Sod that, party time!

(Dedicated to all those who opposed the Criminal Justice bill way back when.)